Exerpt from my Novel in progress...

CHAPTER 1


Surrey, 1844

Dear Diary
It’s strange how I still dream of that day… of the eclipse of the sun, eight years ago in Scotland. The dreams are so vivid; sometimes I wake up and can’t believe I’m here in Surrey at St. Patrick’s orphanage school. Every feature of the man’s face is still clear in my mind, his startling blue eyes, the curve of his brows, his long straight nose. As well as the kiss, he bestowed on me. That wondrous kiss, which left me breathless and full of wonder for such a long time afterwards. It’s strange that even after all these years the memory of that day still manages to soothe me and make me happy.
But enough of this now, I have important news. Amelia’s long-awaited letter has finally arrived. I must confess I am rather alarmed at what she writes. She claims to be in great distress and in need of help. Although she does not explain what has happened I can discern by her words that it must indeed be grave for she literally pleads for me to come to her. She has never asked me to visit her before, so that alone is a source for great concern to me. After long and thoughtful consideration, I have decided to heed her plea. After all, she is my sister and once we were very close. So I have booked a seat on the train to London next Saturday.
It was so kind of Mr Finley, my fellow teacher, to offer to take my place for a week. He has been such a good friend to me lately and is helping me so much with Maggie.  I have only now told her of my imminent departure. The poor child did not take it well and I have promised to write to her every week. It pulls at the strings of my heart to have to leave her, but I have no other choice for now. I have assured her that as soon as I am able, I will return and we will spend the rest of the summer together. She could hardly be dearer to me if she were my child in flesh and blood – and my most ardent wish is that she will be mine one day.

Anna strained her neck as the coach advanced up the country lane, trying to get a better view of the powerful manor perched on top of the hill. It was a magnificent building and had wealth written all over it. She blinked as she realised how different Amelia’s life had turned out compared to hers. Her years at the convent had made her humble and thankful for little things. Even now that she lived at the orphanage she was still not used to the comfort of her room, the soft linen on her bed, the books and writing material. All small things she had been deprived of at the convent for years. Even her short marriage to Vicar Weston had not improved her life. The small Vicarage of Surrey had been a cold and uncomfortable, rusty house and as much as she had tried to make it cosy it had always fallen short of any luxuries. But to compare any of her previous lodgings to the comforts and high standards of which Amelia was used to was laughable.  
  Never was it more clear to her that life gave and life took from you, and where it had been generous with Anna for giving her a respectful husband, a job which she enjoyed, surrounded by children she adored, it had been almost cruel with Amelia.
  Her wedding to the present Earl of Ravenshaw years ago had left the whole family, friends, and neighbours in a happy delirium for months after. Although their father had been a simple country squire, with no title or connections to the upper crust, Amelia had managed to snatch the catch of the year and even more startling, it had seemed to be a love match.
  Anna had been pleased to hear about her marriage, even if she had not been allowed to attend. But she had cried with happiness and tried to imagine the celebrations and festivities from her little dark room at the convent.
  But only a year later Amelia had informed her that her marriage was over. Ravenshaw had abandoned her in the country and retired to Cambridge, where he presently resided.
Amelia had never wanted to explain what had happened between them. But her letters from that moment had been filled with sordid tales about her abominable husband and all the nasty things he had done to her during their short marriage. Even now, it seemed that his conduct still managed to spite her.
For the first time since that awful evening eight years ago, when her life had changed completely, Anna had felt less sorry for herself and compassion for what her twin sister was going through. It seemed the earl refused to grant Amelia a divorce but nor did he desire to lead a normal marriage, which meant that Amelia was condemned to public scorn and solitude.
The stagecoach came to a rocking halt and Anna gathered her portmanteau and stepped outside into the early morning mist, her limbs screaming with aches from being confined so long to the small surroundings of the carriage.
  The coach-driver swung her luggage down and then tipped his hat with not so much as a backward glance at her, before remounting his seat.
As it rattled away, Anna looked at the large gate in front of her and then heaved a sigh. It was strange, knowing that she was so close to her sister after all these years.
She lifted her luggage and opened the gate, and then she started to walk up the long drive-way, her boots sinking into the muddy path while her gaze swept up to the splendid Georgian manor.
The building was quite simple actually. Made of red brick and three stories high, it was an imposing structure dating back to the last century. The entrance was discernible by its four white pillars and the twenty or so windows which overlooked the front, were high and rectangular, no doubt allowing as much light as possible into its interior.
  Amelia lived well. There was no doubt about that. And although her husband had abandoned her, which must have not been easy on her, she was much better off than many people Anna knew.    
  An ancient butler with white fading hair and a red nose opened the door for her. As soon as his pale green eyes fell upon her he froze.
  “My lady, I didn’t know you had gone out…” his gaze roamed over the simple grey woollen gown and dark-brown cloak down to her muddy boots and then he frowned.
  “I….” she cleared her voice. “I’m Mrs Weston, Lady Ravenshaw’s sister. Maybe you would be so kind as to announce me to her?”
  The old man’s eyes widened as he looked at her boots one more time. Then he opened the door and motioned inside. “I am so sorry ma’am, I thought you were Lady Ravenshaw, the resemblance is startling.”
  “Yes, that is what they used to say…” she mumbled and walked inside, painfully aware of the mud marks she was leaving on the polished floor.
  “She is expecting you in the drawing-room.” If the mud she was smearing along the floor bothered him, he didn’t give it away, which made him an excellent butler in Anna’s eyes.
  “Maybe, you could give me a cloth to wipe my shoes,” she asked him quietly before he could knock on the door. “I’d hate to stain the carpets as well…”
  She thought she saw a hint of a smile, but it was done so fleetingly she was sure she had only imagined it. He motioned to a maid with his eyes, who was lingering at the end of the corridor. She quickly rushed up and bent down to wipe Anna’s shoes.
  “Oh, I can do that by myself,” Anna said hastily, a blush creeping into her cheeks at the sight of a maid kneeling at her feet. Surely this was not necessary.
  “There is no need for this…” She tried once again but suddenly the door opened and she found herself abruptly facing herself. Amelia’s wide green-grey eyes stared at her in a stupor.
  “Dear God Anna, I should have known it was you. What are you doing out here in the hallway? Stevens, why didn’t you let her inside? And you,” she faced the maid, “get out of my way.”
  The butler mumbled something unintelligent and pushed the little maid hastily before him, leaving Anna to face the lion alone.
  “Amelia,” was all she seemed to be able to say. Then her eyes swept down to Amelia’s waist and she gasped. “But you... you are pregnant…”
  “Come inside,” her sister insisted and pulled her into the room, closing the door behind her.
  “I expected you yesterday, what took you so long?”
  Anna looked from her sister’s perturbing middle, back up to her face. That face, which was so identical to her own. Then without thinking, she walked up to Amelia and embraced her hard. “It’s been so long,” she sighed. “I’m so happy to see you again.”
  “Oh, please don’t squeeze me – as you say I am pregnant!”
  “I’m... I’m so sorry!” Anna laughed, wiping away a couple of spontaneous tears.
  Amelia patted her sister’s back as if she was a pet. “Yes, yes but come inside and sit down. I shall have some tea sent to us.” Her sister detached herself carefully from Anna’s embrace and rang for the maid. Anna felt robbed – her arms empty. Only now did she realise how long she had craved for a touch or an embrace from a member of her family. Her father had died two years ago and Amelia was her only relative now. She had missed her sorely.
  Anna took her cloak off and seated herself on a long pale-blue couch. Biscuits and sandwiches were served and Amelia poured a cup of steaming hot Indian tea.
  “Well, at least I understand now why you asked me to come. I shall stay here until the child is safely delivered. I shouldn’t think it will take more than a couple of months by the look of you,” Anna said after taking a few sips of the strong brew.
  “What? Oh, no… that’s not the reason why I asked you to come,” Amelia said hastily and leaned back into the armchair. “But I shall come to that in a moment. First, tell me, did you have a pleasant journey?”
  “As pleasant as a journey can be!” Anna replied dryly, thinking of the chugging train and the crowded stagecoach.
  “You must be tired. I shall have a bath sent up to your room and then we can talk over supper.”
  “Amelia. I’m not going to wait a couple of hours for you to explain yourself. I have taken a nap on the train and there is no need for an imminent bath. I’ll have one later when we have talked. Please tell me the news.”
  Amelia frowned as if not expecting to have to say anything at all. Then her gaze fell onto Anna’s simple grey gown and the mud-smeared hem. Her delicate brows furrowed.
  “Darling, you positively make the most appalling picture. Look at you? Where on earth did you get that gown from? Even a governess looks more cheerful than you.”
  Only now did Anna notice the beautiful satin green gown Amelia was wearing. It had been fitted for her pregnancy, but she still looked beautiful and alluring in it. Anna instantly became aware of her own shabbiness and of how she must appear even to the butler.
  She untied the ribbons of her bonnet and placed it on the seat next to her.
  “And that hair!” Amelia gasped. “Have you never cut it in all these years?”
  “Have you summoned me here to pick at my appearance?” Anna enquired a little vexed. “I’ve been travelling in the rain and no… I have never cut my hair. Why should I?”
  Amelia shuddered slightly in distaste. “Because every young lady of consequence has cut her hair at least once. It’s vogue. Besides you don’t seem to resemble me much anymore…”
  “Well, the butler confused me with you, so…”
  “He did?” Amelia asked hopefully.
  “Yes… but Amelia, enough of all this. Will you not tell me about your pregnancy? I was still under the belief that you and the earl lived separately. I confess I am astounded by the change of facts, but so happy for you…”
  “No, it’s not like that!” Amelia interrupted her, a little uncertain. “We have not reconciled. He is….he is… so mean to me!”
  To Anna’s horror, tears started to well in her sister's eyes. Dear God, what was going on here? She put the cup back onto the table and came to kneel next to Amelia. “What is it dear? Tell me what is upsetting you. You should be happy at a time like this. Just think … you are going to become a mother soon…”
  That tad of obvious information only seemed to upset her twin further and Anna had to grip her trembling hands to keep her from sobbing.
  “I’ve… I’ve been such a fool,” Amelia began, hiccupping loudly. “I went and fell in love with a man – this child is his. It is not my husbands.”
  “Oh Amelia,” Anna whispered stunned. “Does the earl know?”
  Amelia shook her head vigorously. “I cannot tell him or he will kill me.”
  “Oh, but surely he wouldn’t.”
  “You don’t know him, Anna.”
    Anna could not reply to that. It was the truth.
  “But what of this man? Who is he? Surely he will stand up to you and help you through this moment…”
  Again, Amelia shook her head. “He knows nothing of it and I’m not even sure where he is…”
  Lord in heaven, it was worse than it seemed.
  “Well, then what do you want to do? Surely, you cannot hide here forever. What will you do once the child is born?”
  Amelia did not answer and a cold chill crept down Anna’s spine. There had been moments like this before in their youth. Where she had predicted what Amelia would say only mere seconds before she did.
  This was one of those moments. She closed her eyes and Amelia said. “I am going to give it to you, to take to the orphanage. I know you will take good care of it and…”
  “You can’t possibly be serious, Amelia!”
  “There is no other solution for me!” she cried, startling Anna by the fierceness in her voice. “Do you think I want to do it? That stinking bastard has left me here to rot. He believes I should sit here in the country alone until I am old and decrepit, while he takes one paramour after the other, living his life to the fullest.  How can anybody be so cruel?”
  “Amelia,” Anna said gently. “You are not thinking properly now. Once the babe is born you will see things clearer and if necessary I will talk to the earl…”
  “No!”
  The word was said with icy contempt. “I will not change my mind and you will not speak to the earl.”
  “Is this why you called me here? To tell me you are going to give up your child? Are you asking me to bring it up as if it never had a mother? A mother who can sustain him with every comfort, I may add.”
  “That is not why I asked you to come!”
  The few words had the desired effect on Anna. She was stunned into silence.
  “I called you for a completely different matter,” she placed her hand over her large belly and leaned back into the chair. “We have an agreement, Nathan and I. We will both live our lives separately, but for one occasion each year I must accompany him once a year to his grandmother’s residence in Cambridge where her birthday is celebrated. It’s a grand occasion and all his family-members gather there for a couple of weeks with friends and neighbours. She is the only person in the family who is still in the dark regarding our estrangement and for some obscure reason, Nathan insists that she remains so for as long as possible. All I have to do is accompany him there and pretend everything is normal and then once it’s over, each one goes back to their private lives. Such a pathetic and hypocritical affair. But I have been forced to agree to it and cannot do otherwise!”
  Anna didn’t know what to say. She was still confused as to what Amelia wanted from her. Did she want her to accompany them as a companion would? Maybe she required someone to sustain her when she told her husband the news?
  She stood up from the position at Amelia’s feet and sat back onto the couch. “Why are you telling me this?” she finally asked, as Amelia didn’t seem inclined to say anything else.
  “But surely you know!”
  Anna raised a brow. “I’m afraid I don’t!”
  She watched Amelia fidget with the lace ribbons on her gown. Amelia had never been a person to fidget before. Time had changed her.
  “I need you to take my place there! I cannot possibly go there myself in the state I’m in.”
  Anna opened her mouth in shock. “You must be mad!”
  “If you don’t help me out Anna, he’s going to kill me. He’s threatened to do so enough times in the last years…”
  “But… but I can’t possibly. He’d see right through me in an instance…”
  “Didn’t you just say the butler thought you were me? Dressed like that I may add,” Amelia insisted stubbornly.
  “That was different. He’s probably half-blind with age. Amelia, you just cannot be serious. I cannot – I simply cannot!”
  “Then you obviously want me dead,” her sister spat out and lifted herself out of the chair. “I might as well write to him now and tell him the truth. It will take him less than a day to get here and kill me with his bare hands…. Maybe you’ll like to watch.”
  “Amelia!” Anna was horrified by both alternatives. “I’m sure he’ll grant you a divorce once he understands the situation.”
  “A divorce?” Amelia nearly screeched. “How can you even mention such a thing? I am a countess! Besides, I would have to leave this house and everything in it. He’d hurl me out in the middle of the road with a babe to look after and not a penny to my name. Can’t you see he has the grounds now for divorcing me without leaving me a penny? I couldn’t possibly. Death is a far better choice.”
  “Dear God, you were always so melodramatic Amelia. I'm sure you are exaggerating the whole situation. You are depicting him as an ogre – at least give him the benefit of the doubt,” Anna said hastily. “If you’d only let me talk to him, maybe I can make him reason…”
  “You don’t know him. He is cold and calculating and doesn’t possess a heart. I wouldn’t put any crime past him. It is murmured that he has killed a man bare-handed – don’t you see? I managed to put up with him for a year but then I became so terrified I couldn’t eat or sleep anymore. His demands on my body were insatiable and I couldn’t stand to be touched by him any longer. He was so cruel, so full of unleashed anger – God… you don’t know what I had to endure…”
  Anna swallowed, suddenly sensing the fear and resentment pulsing through her sister.
  “And you want me to live with such a person for two weeks? In close confinement?” she whispered hardly audible.
  Amelia rushed to her and took her hands in her own. “You won’t be alone with him - ever. You’ll be with other people and his grandmother is the only person who really likes me. She will take your side at any time. He will behave so long that he’s there with his family. You must believe me.”
  “How can I pretend to be you?” Anna said, trying desperately to find a way out. “Look at you. You are beautiful and sophisticated. You have a glitter about you which I cannot conjure, as hard as I would try….”
  “Nonsense! We have a couple of days before the birthday party. I will tell you everything I know and you will study my movements and the way I talk. You’ll see, nobody will ever know!”
  Anna realised she was giving in without really fighting, but how could she refuse her twin sister whom she had been living without for eight long years? Somewhere deep inside, it hurt to know that her sister had only called for her because she was in trouble. It had been far nicer, thinking she’d been called to assist the birth of her sister’s child. But obviously, that was not the case.
  “Two days is not nearly enough. I need to know everything about your marriage. What are your habits – what are his? Who are the members of his family? How will I recognise them?”
  Amelia smiled the smile of the winner. “Don’t worry darling, I will tell you everything I know. And you will have to get rid of these shabby gowns. You will take mine; I can’t get into them anyway. Oh, and you’ll have to cut your hair…”

  A couple of days later, Anna stood in the front parlour looking anxiously outside the window. She wore one of Amelia’s beautiful dark-red travelling gowns and matching hat. Never in her life had she ever worn something more glamorous and she felt extremely awkward in it. And she was definitively not used to a corset, but it was only for two weeks. She would stand it for her sister’s sake.
Amelia stood a few steps behind her, instructing the maid on everything she needed to know. They had agreed that Anna would take Amelia’s personal maid with her. The girl had been working for Amelia for the last five years and knew every part of Amelia’s life. She would help Anna at any time if the need occurred. One thing was clear to Anna; the whole household was loyal to Amelia. They had all been let in on her little secret, and Amelia trusted them to keep their mouths shut. How extraordinary.
She couldn’t deny that she was more than a little disappointed by Amelia. Somehow, she had imagined their reunion very differently. To start with, she had expected an apology from Amelia for never having spoken up, when she had unjustly been accused of the worst of offences. Her silence, eight years ago, had condemned her to a secluded life in a convent, when Amelia in return had been granted the luxuries of a free and easy life.  
  Anna smothered down her resentment and sighed deeply. She had not dowelled on these painful thoughts for a long time now, and this was not the time to drag them up now. Not when she needed to keep her concentration high.
She distractedly touched her dark-auburn hair. Amelia had insisted she cut it at least to her shoulder blades – Anna had agreed reluctantly but it had been hard to say goodbye to her precious curls. She had always considered them the better part of her features.
  This waiting was consuming her nerves. She was sure that the moment the earl arrived he would instantly realise that she was not his wife. How could he ever believe her to be Amelia – she was so different from her in every way. Not to speak of their characters. Yet characters could change, as Amelia had told her frequently during these two days. They had gone over everything repetitively, even addressing the earl’s favourite meals, which Anna noticed Amelia did not remember. Thank God her maid did.
  Two weeks, she kept repeating to herself. Only two weeks. You can do it!
  Then she heard the carriage roll into the small courtyard and her heart almost leapt into her throat.
  “That’s him!” Amelia said hurriedly. “Don’t let him come in, go outside to meet him. Hurry!”
  Anna’s feet started to move like in a daze. What was she doing? This was madness. Even if he was the horrid ogre whom Amelia kept making him out to be, they were deceiving him. And that was wrong.  
  She opened her mouth to try to cry off at the last moment, but Amelia shoved her to the door and the footmen started to bring her trunks outside.
  The storm of the last two days had finally ceased overnight, leaving a lovely sunny and warm day in its wake. Now the sun-rays startled her eyes and she held her hand protectively above them to shield out the intruding light. Her legs felt laden as she slowly crossed the cobbled courtyard to where a shiny black carriage was standing. On its door, the Ravenshaw’s coat of arms beckoned her almost menacingly. Then the door opened and a tall man stepped out. Funny, how she had almost expected him to look like an ogre. But no, he was athletic and lean, dressed in black with a startlingly white shirt and neck-cloth. His dark-brown hair curled around a strong neck and the lean and broad shoulders bespoke of a man who did outdoor sports. The sun was making her eyes water and she blinked rapidly, unable to look him in the eyes. She finally halted a few steps from him and noticed that he was holding the door open for her. She could see his hands on the door-handle. Long and well-manicured fingers were not what she imagined an ogre would possess. She could not imagine such hands ever hurting anyone, let alone kill someone.  
  Without a word of greeting or a glance in his direction, she decided to enter the carriage. The interior was lush with velvet red seats and small oil-lamps. She heard him give succinct orders outside and closed her eyes. Then finally, Amelia’s small maid entered, darting a worried glance in her direction. Good, at least she was not the only one having second thoughts. The carriage inclined slightly to the left as the earl climbed the few steps into the carriage. He tapped the roof with his cane and the carriage leapt forward. Only then did he take the seat in front of her, allowing Anna to get her first good look at him. That is when her heart stopped beating.

  She was immediately propelled back to that autumn day in 1836 in Scotland during the eclipse of the sun. She was standing in front of her stranger and his exquisite blue eyes were piercing her yet again.
  “Are you all right?” his deep voice almost made her jerk on her seat.
  She nodded.
  “You don’t look it. If you don’t feel well we can leave in the afternoon. There is no hurry.”
  “No, no I’m fine. Really.”
  He looked away out of the window, while the carriage rolled out of the gates.
  “You’ve lost weight.” His eyes were still fastened on the view passing by outside the small window, but she knew he was talking to her. Well, she didn’t think he was talking to the maid.
  “Have I?”
  His gaze came back to her now and she held her breath. How long would it take him to notice that it was not his wife he was talking to? The memory of those beautiful blue eyes had haunted her throughout the long and difficult years since that awful day in Haddington. But now they almost looked empty. The spark of that day had left them as if the past years had changed his very soul. And all that had remained was that startling colour.
  “You’re staring,” he said bluntly.
  She diverted her look immediately, blushing furiously. “I’m … I’m sorry!”
  “Well... I never thought to see the day!” he muttered with a veil of sarcasm lacing his words.
  “The... the day?” she asked confused.
  “Yes, the day. You… blushing! And stuttering. I don’t remember you ever doing one or the other. Is this some new scheme of yours? If it is, I’d have you know it’s not working, my dear!”
  Anna only gaped at him. What was he talking about?
  “So, why don’t we just have it out, Amelia? What is it you want this time? Money, again?”
  “Money?” she gasped. Did he think she was leading some sort of flirtatious game to obtain something from him? How dare he?
  “You are completely mistaken! There is nothing I require from you. Except that these two weeks end as soon as possible…”
  “That’s more like it,” he mocked her and glared out of the window again. “They will pass. As they do every year. You might be lucky and this might be the last year…”
  “Why?” she couldn’t help asking.
  “It seems my grandmother is not doing so well. She’s had a couple of attacks in the last few months, and she’s not getting any younger!”
  “I’m…I’m sorry.”
  He looked back at her, his eyes piercing her. Again, she felt as if he would expose her any minute for the fraud she was.
  “Sorry?” he snorted disgustedly. “Do you expect me to believe you feel pity for her? You… who has always referred to her as ‘the old magpie’? That’s rich.”
  “Believe what you may. I have no intention of arguing with you, my lord.”
  “Oh, but you will. You always do…”
  “What is that supposed to mean?” she said almost in anger.
  “Exactly what I said. We cannot stay in the same room or carriage for more than a few minutes without arguing – and while we’re at it, there are a couple of things I want to settle with you while we are in Cambridge. And we shall settle them, Amelia, once and for all…”
  Anna stared at him, suddenly afraid that there were things her sister had omitted to tell her. Important things.
  She decided to ignore his enigmatic words and leaned back into the upholstering of the carriage. She closed her eyes to block out his handsome face and pretended to nap. But inside, her heart was beating so frantically it almost hurt against her ribs. And what was worse, it had never beaten so hard since that day she had met him in Scotland.
  So, Amelia had married her mysterious man of the eclipse. What a coincidence. How she had secretly thought of him all these years. Life was so uniquely strange. Anna had never told a soul about her encounter on top of that hill. It had been her little secret. She had not been able to go back to that place where they had met, for that same night her world had gone topsy-turvy and she had been hurled to Surrey to be locked into a convent, far from her family and friends. For years, the memory of the earl of Ravenshaw’s face had been the only thing to keep her sane. She wondered now if he had ever gone back looking for her.
  All of a sudden, she died to know how her sister had met him. How he had courted her and for how long they had been engaged. At the time, Amelia’s letters had been full of him. Of the dashing earl who had asked for her hand and who was oh, so wealthy. Had she ever mentioned his eyes? She didn’t think so, and yet they were the most startling colour, displaying a deep passion for life.
But Anna remembered the other letters too. The ones Amelia had written after her marriage. All of them had portrayed a cruel and selfish man, who had treated her unkindly and who had betrayed her only months after their honeymoon. A man who had ridiculed her publicly and then abandoned her on one of his country estates with a very small allowance, while he pursued his deplorable libertine life without a care in the world. She could not put those two facts together. She could not believe that her mystery man was the same scoundrel whom Amelia had written so ill of. Yet, it seemed she would have to get accustomed to the idea.